Kasey's Sanctuary

So I was dragged out of bed at 7 am, after sleeping like 3 hours. I've been sleeping less and less lately. I dunno. It's Tuesday, Laundry/Grocery day. Yay! /sarcasm. I've had the Minutes to Midnight Album from Linkin Park in my head for a couple of days so I decided to take my iPod with me today. I haven't used it in a long time. Apparently my father was already in a bad mood because we were running late (his boyfriend decided to go into work late throwing the schedule off).

So he apparently asks me in the car if I needed to go into the store before we go to the laundry mat. MY brother knocks my shoulder to tell me this since my headphones cancel anything but what I'm listening to. I tried replying to him that I could get his rent money out so he could use some for the wash and he of course is pissed at me for not being able to hear him and decides to act 4 and not respond to me cause he "can't hear me". So he pulls into the store I run in to buy breakfast for us (milk and doughnuts, healthy I know!) I step into the selfcheckout/express lane and groan. Our stores been packed as of late what with peoples food stamps being paid and thanksgiving around the corner-which I now hate thanksgiving because of this. So I can just imagine I’m going to get bitched out for taking too long.

For some reason they only had two of the four machines up and running (one that is broken and accepts cash and one that doesn't) so the lines backed up. Finally after forever I get to the machine and start scanning my order, go to put in my phone number because for once I've forgotten my discount card, and the stupid machines touch screen isn't aligned correctly. Typing the 3 button presses the cancel button next to it, the 0 presses the delete number button, the 9 the enter key. So after pissing around with it and using like the side of my nail to the left of the numbers hoping to press the ones I want I get it in and I swipe my debit card, pay and stupidly hit no cash back. So I have to struggle through all that crap again and buy another freaking drink to get his cash, all while people are waiting and he's called me to bitch me out.

I get in the car and he starts bitching me out again about how we're even later now. I go to hand him some money from his rent to put in his pocket for the wash and he tells me he didn't need it. So we get in a fight about had he told me that instead of being a 4yr old we wouldn't have wasted that time there. We get to the laundry mat and it’s busy so he gets pissier. We put our clothes in the washers and I was still half asleep and angry at him for being a jerk to me when I’ve done nothing wrong and he starts getting pissed because apparently Tyler and I were in his way and unlike I dunno a human being and saying it he stands there and finally gets pissed off enough to like do his little snarl thing and walk through us. That then flames my temper because why the heck can't he treat us like humans and tell us we're in the way not just stand there and then explode at us,

so I walk away, over to the sitting area, to avoid another blow up of our tempers. I get out my milk and doughnut and start to just calm down. He comes over and I offer him the food I got him and he snottily tells me he doesn't want my food. When I ask him if it’s because he's mad at me he says yes. Here we go! I then remark ok john! When his boyfriend gets pissy he decides he's just going to starve himself. He then threatens me that if I ever call him that again he'll leave my laundry here and I can walk home and that I won't have a home to go to (oh yes his favorite thing to tell me). I'm constantly 3 seconds from sleeping on the street. I then respond with "why the fuck can't you just act like a human then instead of just standing there thinking we're psychic." To which he replies "we need to learn to use our fucking brains." I lose it there. Ask for the car keys because I'm not staying in there and helping him if he's going to be an asshole. He tells me no. So I say fuck you and walk out anyways.

I spent 20 minutes standing at the car doing Sudoku until he sends Tyler out to "put the soap in the car" and let me in it. So I spend 10 minutes venting to my brother before deciding to go in the car instead of back inside like he's asking me to. I pull out my iPod hook it to the cars radio and chill out to more LP. He again comes out and asks me to go in. Finally ready I go to turn the ignition on to put the windows up and the car wont turn over. Apparently what no one told me was the battery had died yesterday and they had trouble starting it this morning. So the little bit of battery I used with my iPod drained it. Lucky enough someone jumped us and we drove to the AutoZone 6 blocks down, had to replace the battery, Bye-bye $102.00. Dad then decided to just go home and put the laundry away before going shopping since the car was full anyway.

The store is completely packed when we get there. Tyler and I go and shop ourselves and we check out the same time as my dad does. I pick the fastest cashier (since I work there I know the slow ones) jump in his line and realize the woman’s got a billion things ahead of me. Whatever he'll move the line fast. He scans her quickly and then they go to pay and apparently her food stamp card didn't have enough, I hate that when the come to the line. OK PEOPLE LISTEN: CHECK YOUR DAMN MONEY/BALANCE BEFORE YOU FILL YOUR DAMN CART! I get it how people don't understand this. When I shop I keep the total in my head as I add items. So they had to spend 15 minutes fighting over how to pay the other 200 plus dollars. I can't leave the line now because the lines have already backed up into the isles and I’m third in line. By this time my dads checking out. Finally we get up there and out the door.

While we unpack the car he decides to turn our roomba on to have it sweep the floor. I go in my room to put something in it to find that he did not turn the invisible wall that cards Ojo's training pads.

And of course she had pooped on them and peed while we were gone and the stupid robot ran over it and got tangled in it all. It pisses me off because I'm the one that has to clean the robot and the mess, no one else will. I was sweaty and hot and tired and there I was cleaning it all up. And he just got madder and me for being mad that he turned it on when everyone else was too busy taking care of stuff while he pissed around on his computer. /sigh

Maybe tomorrow will be better?


God I hope so.

So I've been feeling the urge to write down my day today, it's weird. I guess it's because I usually tell it all to Richie, but he's unavailable right now. It's kind of neat to come back here and read some things, I'd totally forgotten about. I see the last thing I posted was about debating a job at Publix, I never took it.

Turns out the day I had my final interview to take it I got a call from my old boss Eliana, or I think I just referred to her as bitch. They offered me my old job at like $14/hr. I took it, stayed there til about January when she became the bitch again. She had worked through all of the other people that worked there and I was the next on the chopping block. Around Christmas she gave me the Maltese puppy her dog had and in January started using it as away to control me IE; you don't do this you can't take her home to visit tonight (she was still too early to be weaned). At that time we were swamped in the office and since she had pissed off most of the help previously and they all quit I was then doing the job of about 3-4 people. I would ask for help and she would pop a pill and tell me she could have done it all (riiiiight). So she would sleep until 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave then tell me 5pages of what had to be done before I could leave. I can't remember if I got into the car accident before I came back the second time, but yep got hit by a car because she kept me out until past dark and the guy didn't see me on my bike.

Bad part about quitting that job it was an insane amount of money and I quit in the middle of the unemployment boom, well more like the middle of the beginning.

Also around January I broke it off with Peter, oh the drama there. I guess there's always gonna be a scar from that relationship. Gist of it?

• He grew cold,
• I grew curious,
• He told me he was in love with my best friend at the time
• But still in love with me.
• She told him no f’ing way she had a bf and stuff
• He went out with another friend of mine
• Last I heard they're together or something idc

What happened next...

I pretty much stopped talking to people and went through a huge depression that sometimes I wonder if I ever came out of. I like many other people couldn't find a job, my parents were pressuring me to find one. I would sit at my desk and cry because I had no clue what I was good at. The whole thing with Peter Asshat left my self confidence that I had slowly built into a wonderful sandcastle washed away in a tidal wave. I doubted myself, I still doubt myself. I mean I have never had much self-confidence but before him I was comfortable with myself, and then it was gone,

Anyways, one day I was on my computer playing wow (I had gotten hooked and its still my drug of choice) and Gabby, my very good friend from high school messaged me. Just a hey what’s up kind of thing and at that point in my life I was pretty much reading my messages and just not responding to people, I guess it was just part of the depression. But that day I decided yenno what Imma stop wallowing and I hit reply. I found out she had moved into my apartment complex and literally was 4 houses down. So we decided to meet outside, now it was 1 am ish everyone in my house was sleeping, but to hell with it, grabbed my keys and my phone and my dog (couldn't leave her in a house w/o someone with her or she barked) and went out to meet her. We talked for a while until I got a call from my dad asking where the hell I was and (because we had put my dog away to walk hers) that my dog was going crazy.

So that started me getting around a bit. She'd come over and we'd hang out. IT got me up and out of my funk. I kept going with my dad to the grocery store and every time we were there I'd ask the manager (that by now we were friendly with) if she had any openings. I had been unemployed for about a year then. One day she finally said yes. On January 5th I got my interview, January 6th (my birthday) I got my second, and a drug test >.< and the job.

Couple months later I even met this guy, Richie, Wonderful Richie ^.^. It was just a fluke. And totally weird too. i was again playing wow (world of warcraft) And I had joined a guild, I was talking with some of the members and saw one questing on a new character so I decided to talk with him, he was funny and all. So we started chatting. And before I knew it we'd grown close. Now I never wanted an online relationship. Was certain they wouldn't work, but I don’t know I just loved talking to him. So we adventured into it and I guess that’s where we are. It's strange I know but it's good. Some people think its weird to have feelings for someone I've never physically met. Maybe it is, but when I've had a bad day I can come home and talk to him, And I genuinely care about him and hope that very soon we can move in together. It maybe be weird but I'm happy with him.

As for that job, I'm still working there. I absolutely hate it. I'm on my feet everyday for long hours. I'm constantly going home hours late. My bosses are bitches. I never have a set schedule. I'm getting paid less then when I interned at that bank. I constantly shoot myself for quitting the $14/hr job. I never have any money in my bank. I'm always either braking even or owing money to my father. This causes even more fights. We fight about not having any money alot and it gets to me. It's literally like being in a hole and as you claw the dirt to get out more dirt falls upon you to bury you. But all I can do is keep clawing.

I think I'll end this post now and start another entry about today’s nightmares.

I just remembered i had one of these >.< I know! I'm terrible at theses things. It's been what almost two YEARS since I posted here. God dang! I'll edit this more tonight when I go home but right now I'm at work. 

Speaking of which its boring as heck. There's no orders which is odd for a friday. My boss' phone is off and she hasn't sent me a single message. She's not reading her mail so I can't get help with the last order that needs to be sent out today. Our paychecks are ready to be signed, but she'snot answering her phone to tell me if it's ok to send her son up with them.i've already spoken to my sister on the phone twice today, whih is mroe then normal. I've read a lot more and posted mroe on AL then I normally would have. I'm posting in here, so that says something. I've even held an actual conversation with the housekeeper, who normally doesn't get along with me. And I think my butt is falling asleep from sitting in this chair for solong >.<.  The owner's son just told me his father's supposedly here because he called and told him to stopp pouding on his moms door, but he hasn't come in here to bug me which is just plaine strange, he always comes in to bug me. 

So two days ago i broke up wih Nate. We've been dating for a while but i guess it has been sometime since i've really felt feelings towards him. His friends and mine keep asking me "how are you feeling" and I don't havean answer for them. How am I feeling? For the most part, I don't feel anything. Its not that I don't care or that i'm heartless, I just don't feel sad. It feels like a weight of my shoulders. At other times it feels like i've lost my best friend because when i need to have someone tell me it was ok and let me cry to them, he was there. But did i want him there as my love or as my best friend. That's what's so hard for me to figure out. I don't really miss him because I know I can still sign into msn or text him.  As for how I felt with him in Canada in June, I'm not sure. When i was there with him I sometimes felt smothered. He would hug me for the 16th time in the last 5 hours and I'd think to myself "when is he going to be done with that" We didn't talk all that much when we were together. There was sex, yea, and some hand holding but converation was limited. We talked more on the way to his friends house or to the bar and dinner then we did in the room. it was fun there, but was it fun because I was with him or because I was being an adult insted of being treated like a child like I am here?  I cried after i left him and for a week after I got home but did I cry because I missed him or did i cry because I missed having  someone in bed and to  hold me. i felt a little less alone up there and i think that is hat I missed. I think I missed the genuine caring of his friends and the fun times that i had with them. I think i missed being an adult I think i was scared at aving to return to the US and go back to a job I hated at the bank, my two dads that treat me like a child for the most parts and my friends that I feel so awkward being around.

I guess i can be really open here becuase hell no one will read this. When i'm with my friends i feel weird around them. Growing up i was teased about my weight and teased about my parents life style, so that I didn't really have friends growing up and when i started to getthen in pennsylvania, when i strated to fit in, we moved. There went all my childhood friends. So we moved to Georgia, where I didn't fit in at first because all the kids had grown up together and there comes a very shy girl. I made a few friends but never really opened up to them because I was still scared of being pushed away. i was very selfconcious and not assure of myself. I was teased a few times by some of the kids in my school, espcially one they found out my dad was gay. i think they didn't understand so they made fun of me. I never once hid my father's life style becuase i've always had a, you don't like it, goo for you, kind of way of dealing with it. anyways. When I started fitting in and becoming really popular (even got a crush) we moved yet again, this time to Miami, which terrified me. The people at my middle school were very rude to not only the students but the teachers. Half of them didn't speak english, I was thrown  into a school system totally different to any I'd ever been in. We went to lunch in shifts which changed everyday and everyday the scheduled changed. One day you would have periods 1,3,5, the next 2,4,6 the next3,5,1 the next 4,6,2 and that meant I didn't always eat lunch with people I knew. I became very good at being "friends" with people, menaing i would start talking to them and pretend to be interested and know what they were talkingabout just so  ididn't sit by myself.  That followed on until i met my group of friends that i have til this day. But still even though I have a best friend and some other riends. I don't really hangout with them outside of class. When we all sat together I didn't open up, i still haven't. I don't know what to say to them. I don't know how to act around them. i'm going to my bestfriends house tomorrow, and i'm glad i need it. 

Anyways I have to go back to work now, i will try and right again tonight or something but my boss will get mad if I don't start with the work she just handed me. 

Last night was [b]wild[/b]! The branch and I (all 11 of us) went out to Taverana Opa for the big ‘thank you for working with us’ branch party. For most of you that don’t know it, Opa’s is kow for it’s loud, loud [i]loud[/i] music, good drinks, plenty of them, food, and [i]table dancing[/i]. But it’s not the workers there that danced; (though some of them will when they feel the mood) it’s the patrons. It started off like this, I road with Renzo, (the manager) we dropped Evelyn’s car off at my place, and then we drove there. We went straight to the bar; they had a little to drink as we waited. This was about 7. About 8 everyone arrives and we move into the restaurant half. We all get seated and watch a girl in traditional belly-dancer attire slowly working her way across the set tables with parties seated. Eventually she works her way towards us and we get her to dance in front of Alex (Assistant Manager) he blushes red and we all clap and hoot for him to dance with her. Eventually after she goads him enough he joins her up there and shakes his ass. Then we point her over to Renzo and he gets up there with her and does a little grinding as we all cheer, next she goes to Jose and he’s up there with her. Then Dinner (a [b]LOT[/b] of platters after platters of food) appears before us and we dare each other to try the different foods. We eat for a few hours, joking and drinking all the same. Then they clear the food away. Evelyn is presented with a plaque for working with us (her last night with us) and she is conned into dancing on the table. The music pick up pace. A [i]very[/i] drunk Alex jumps up on the table and starts dancing, Denisse (teller) joins him. Then Renzo gets up, Camello, reluctant Judy and finally jumps up, Jesse. Me I’m very shy and can’t dance that well so I stay down and watch. They try and pull us up ( Mailin and Yiset had stayed down too) but we don’t. Then a half an hour before we leave they put on regetone and everyone in our table is up on the long table dancing, including our waiters. Did I mention there’s napkins every where? They shout OPA and throw napkins at the dancers, It’s soo cool cause they ran down everywhere. Anyways so shy me is up there dancing as Renzo starts taking pictures. Finally IO get bored after 20 minutes and get down. The last ten minutes of my night out is spent dancing a sexy Spanish dance with Renzo (me not knowing how and him trying to teach me). Then it’s 11 and I hug and kiss everyone goodbye and tell them I’ll see the tomorrow (today) at work and step out of Opa’s. I swear to you my ears rang for a whole hour from dancing directly under the speakers on the table. But I loved it and can’t wait to do it again.

The dude is Nate's best fried.


My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
i thought he was trying to hook up melissa though

-Angell- The sleepy Angel says:
what do you mean

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
my ex is melissa but he has a crush on her

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
we were all out last night

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
by hook up you mean "hook up with"

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
like become baby makin machines

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
if that helps

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
well thats nice to know

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
what i thought you knew all this

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
oh yea! Sure i just forgot!

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
he said he tells u everything

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
gee i must have forgotten

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
well he was all over her like a prostitute on money

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
yesterday?

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
yesterday?? all the time

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
please tell me you're fucking with me?

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
no would you like a picture, they work together, he was at her house a few days ago, with no one home

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
yes

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
and then we were out at le scratch last night, and tonight were going to a foam party

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
picture please?

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
of what?? her him??

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
both together

My snugglemuffins the only one that walks beside me,together,our hearts r beating..... says:
ok i`ll do it tonight if i remember

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
forget it

--Nate was on--

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
You!!!

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
Who the fuck is Melissa

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
And what the fuck have you been doing with her

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
Umm was talking to someone else

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
i don';t care

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
who the fuck is melissa

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
She's a friend

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
more then a friend

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
you're an asshole

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
Umm what

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
you can be free to"hook up" with her you would have to do it behind my back from now on

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
and i thought Rob was the womanizer

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
Umm what the fuck are you talking about

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
ASK ROB YOU JERK

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
I'm not a jerk

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
And you know what if you don’t trust me fine mel is friend but yes I had a crush on her

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
And you have been all over her

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
I haven't even hugged her

-Angelle- The sleepy Angel says:
That's not what rob says?

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
You know fine trust rob if that’s what you want its over I'm not fighting about this your choice

I have fucking tears in my eyes and my heart hurts because of his last remark to me. Maybe I should do it. Yes I love him but he's almsot never here.

~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
I gtg going out with teh guys
~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
I unblocked Jagon
-Angell- Thick drops of rain sound like the way you spank me says:
NUUUU
~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
Sorry by
-Angell- Thick drops of rain sound like the way you spank me says:
i have to go to bed soon
-Angell- Thick drops of rain sound like the way you spank me says:
jerk
~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
night
~Nate-san~ making Quality GM's Quality Parts says:
yeah i am so Dump me
-Angell- Thick drops of rain sound like the way you spank me says:
ok

Bleh T3h Angel is sick. >.< School was all sucky because I could hardly talk. So anyone that reads this, if I didn't talk much to you today its cause my throat was all rawr and I was trying to only talk when I had to.

School was ok except for me feeling like shit. However I was dreading actually comming to work since my body was all blehy.


This weekend was fun though I spent it at Thoko's hanging out with her and Megan. We had SOO much fun. We're such goof balls. We kept fighting over bedspace eventhough Thoko's big ass was hogging all the space!

And last night I got to talk to Nate for two hours. It was so much fun. I got annoyed for a bit when he answered the other phone and started talking mostly to his friend Rob-who I don't partically care for since he's always trying to get Nate to forget about me and go screw anything that walks. To be fair he was talking to me every once in the wall. The silly man asked me why I was so quiet, I was letting him talk to Rob because even though I don't like Rob much he was making Nate laugh and I love listening to him laugh and it was nice to hear him with his friends.


So

Today was meh. Today. ^.~

Shall we start with the begining or the end? The begining then?

I woke up and felt like crawling back in bed. Only to head to the shower and almost fall asleep there. So I got to first ready to tell Reese "fuck you and you gay home work" only to have him post pone it two days. Thank you God! More time to copy....I mean do the project ^.^. I went to second to find the teacher gone and we were watching more of the movie, again, score. Third period I guess is where the day gets better(?). I started talkingto Aije again. I found out somethings that make me question Gaby and what she used to tell us. I know that Thoko and I most likely won't be friends with her again, at least we don't plan on it. We're tired of the shit she pulls and her expecting us to come back saying sorry. I think I missed being friends with Aije. It was nice talking to her again =^.^=.

Well beach patrol just plain sucked...but when doesn't it? Andy came by to tell me that Gaby was mad at me and to say she didn't like me tlaking to Aije. I told him "That's her problem" pretty much. Then he left cause Cobin had to come fix the computer. Aparently like all of Gaby's friends are not her friends any more. Opps...

*shruggies*

Fifth period was...well boring same with Physical Science. I got an A on my test. Yay since I didn't study.

Work was sow for half the time I was there and then towards the end there was people out the ass showing up. I almost got in a fight with Alex, which isn't somethingyou sould do with your assistant manager since he does your schedule. Apparently I got introuble for doing everthing the other employees-including the manager-said. Thankfully I blanced right and I was out of there. It was just me and the guys there and they were in the middle of discussing the girl Alex was going to bang so I was like "i'm gonna go home then, bai bai.

Then I get a message from Nate telling me his dog died and he's feeling really guilty becasue he used to ignore it and now its gone so it's like, "Well what do I say to him" "Is that enough?!?".


Meh me sleepy me go bai bai.

What Your Underwear Says About You

You tend to buy new underwear instead of doing laundry. You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama. Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time... But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you. You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

You Are a Mai Tai

You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive. And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.

Your Outrageous Name is:

Ivana B. Laid

You are Agonistic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care. For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine. You rather focus on what you can control - your own life. And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy. Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems. You would make an excellent: Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer Physical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Albino Assassin. Where You Lived: Spain. How You Died: In Childbirth.

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

So Today was complete hell. Also known as the first day of school. My first day as a junior, blah blah blah.


Let’s start off in the morning. I wake up completely frozen to death, throw on some clothes eat break fast, almost throw up while brushing my teeth. Leave. Grab my brother and get to school.

Find a friend, hug some guys, and get kisses. Run my brother to the front listing of home room number. Start walking up the stairs to where my friends hang out. See my sister's ex there. Hug him and then turn around and see my two best friends, hug them tightly, and then we go take my brother to his homeroom. He sees friends he runs off to them...before I could tell him where to meet me for lunch. My friends and I hung again picking up a few guys and then we walk around the school to see our favorite place, the Melting Pot GONE. So we can't eat lunch there....great...I told my lil brother to meet me there. So we decided on the 400 wing to eat lunch. We go pick up a few more friends d then get to class.

My home room/second period is great; I'm going to like American history honors. So we messed around and then went to our first period.

Mine is English 3 honors with almost ALL of my friends. Its great cause I know like all 40 kids, one of my old best friends came back. She's so cool.

Then the bell rang and we went to 3rd period (second was skipped cause that's our homeroom and since we were already there and could find it again we didn't go) Third is Algebra 2. The teacher seems all right. But I have the class with this b**** that started a lot of shit with us last year. But w/e its history as long as she leaves me alone we’ll be cools.

Then to my horror I find out I have beach patrol AGAIN. I wanted to kill myself. There was like no one there. But I think I’m going to switch that class...at least to beach aid and help out at the main office. So like no one showed up it was kind of funny. To my horror again Cobin remembered who I was....great.

The bell rang; we went to lunch...it was ok. I tired to find my brother but couldn't. So I then went to my fifth period....Spanish 2. I don't know about it really. It seems kind of hard but we'll see. I may switch out of it. I know I need it to go to college but I just don't know if I can do it.

I think sixth period is going to be my favorite. It's Physical Science. Yea I know I didn't take Chemistry like every other junior. But frankly I hate math and chem. is a lot of it. I just didn't want it. Thoko wants me to switch over to chem. but I don't want to I think. I mean the teacher sounds awesome and best of all another of my best friends from freshman year is there.

So what made it hell?

School gets out and I’m waiting for Tyler, my brother. He's new so I’m scared he'll get lost. Sure ting he does. Around 2:45 I start casing the side walks. 3:15 I go inside. Frantically searching, almost crying. 3:20 I go out again to the front gate. Trying to find him. Pick up the friend from my 6th period and frantically search. Almost throw up imagining someone stealing him or him lying hurt some where. I tell every security guard and police officer and school staff I see that I’m looking for my brother he’s a freshman and lost. They don't are they wave me by. I'm crying a little now. My cell is ringing and ringing with my dad we keep trying to keep in contact. Finally my dad calls to tell me he got a call from Ty, he's at the public library. I’m thinking HOW THE HELL DID HE GET THERE.

Apparently he went out the wrong gate and the bitch of the security guard wouldn't let him back in. From where he stood it looked different and scary and the path that actually led to the school where we were searching looked to long and not right. So he followed his fried hoping to get to a phone at either his house or the library. Then we had to get directions to the place and I frantically searched for him until he walked up to me and grabbed me.


That was the scariest moment of my life.


Right now I’m hungry sleepy and want to read.

This morning as I was getting everything ready to go I started thinking about Nate. I mean I miss him so much. He's like never on. The thought came up to leave him. but then I started thinking about how much I love him. another thought came into my head Can you think of anyone else that you would feel this way for? Do oyu know anyone? Do oyu think there is anyone else that you'll think "he's the one for me"? THe answer? NO. No one could make me feel like he does/. FranklyI don't see myself being like this with anyone else....... But at the same time. I don't know what to do.


I know I'm staying with him. But it makes me so sad that I can't even call him. Like his mom controlls him so much that we can't even talk for a little bit. I wanted to call him so much to tell him about my work. I needed him to hear it and discuss it with me. He really listens to me. I've tried tellin my fearsand what's going on to Chris but it's like he doesn't get me enough or somet5hing because it doesn't feel the same with Nate. Like when I talk to Chris sometimes it feels like he's not listening or doesn't care so why bother? But Nate listens to me and makes me feel like he knows what I'm saying. He soothes me when I'm upset......God I miss him.

I miss telling him about my day. I miss his teasing about me being sleepy. I miss our little arguements here he tells me to go to bed because I'm sleepy and I'll tell him in a voice full of a yawn that I'm not.

It kind of scares me when I don't hear from him like this. Especially when he told me he'd be on MONDAY and FRIDAY and both days passed without him being here. know it's a silly though but I also wondered last night if he could be cheating. I know it's stupid. He loves me. I'm just over reacting.....


I should be home by 6 ish. I may get on, I may not, without Nate the Net is depressing. THat's why if people IM me and I don't respond it's not cause I'm mad or anything. It's just I feel like there's no use being on and I only leave the messengers on in some vain hope he'll get on.


Sorry for the length guys.....if anyone reads this.


-Heart Sick Angel-

Your #1 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship. For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive. However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #2 Love Type: ENFP

The Inspirer In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond. For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate. Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner. However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad. Best matches: INTJ and INFJ

Your #3 Love Type: INTP

The Thinker In love, you are honest and serious about commitment. For you, sex is something you think about and desire a lot of the time. Overall, you are pure in your affection and feelings. However, you tend to be suspicious and distrusting at times. Best matches: ENTJ and ESTJ

Your #4 Love Type: ENTP

The Visionary In love, you are always trying to improve and grow your relationship. For you, sex should be a spontaneous adventure. Overall, you are magnetic, inspiring, and a charmer. However, you tend to get bored and want to change partners frequently. Best matches: INFJ and INTJ

Your #5 Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

Generate your Anime Style by Jena-su
Name:
Hair:	Naturally multi-coloured.
Clothes:	School boy/girl uniform.
Powers:	Healing
Special Features:	Elf ears
Sidekick:	Small dragon.
Attitude:	Happy, bouncy, too hyper for it to be heathly.
Weapon:	Claws
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Well this one sucks;

Generate your Anime Character! by ryiu
Name
hair...	bald
clothing...	normal people's clothing
eyes...	one eye has a long scar the other is ligh brown
special trait...	a cat tail
special ability...	you can sense danger
weapon...	energy beam
personality...	cheerful
sidekick...	a human like robot
purpose...	you are a wanderer searching for who you are
you are good by: 96%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Which anime style is yours? by luel
Name:
Genre:	Fantasy
Hair Color/style:	Shoulder length in two ponytails, pink
Eye Color/style:	Green, big round, bubblie, always happy
Clothes:	Sei-fuku M - the 'uber' cool school boy uniform
Weapon:	Paranoid Goldfish
Battle Cry:	YEEEE----HAW!!!
Personality:	Rash, hot tempered, friendly
Quiz created with MemeGen!

.:: What kind of Mithical Man is for you? ::. .:: Anime Pics::. by mistress_sama
Name
Age
Fav. Color
Fav. Anime/Manga
Do you have a boyfriend?	YesNoI won't say
Your man is:
Where will you meat him?	In the forest
What will he say whan he sey you?	"You are so beautiful"
How long will he love you?	For ever
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Final Fantasy Girl of the Day! Anime Girl of the Day! DDR Girl of the day! 3 in 1 v3.3 by PinoyBarRaper
Full Name
Age	5-6789101112131415161718192021+
Sex	MaleFemaleyes, please*blush*no comment...
whos the hottest final fantasy girl?	TifaAerisRinoaQuistisSelphieYunaLuluRikkuYuffiePaineLenneI CANT CHOOSE!they all suck...who?
pick a word	shonenshoujoshonen-aishoujo-aiyuriyaoihentaimangajapanimationoro
DDR skill?	BeginerLightStandardHeavyDDR?DDRs gay!no comment...
Month	JanuaryFebruaryMarchAprilMayJuneJulyAugustSeptemberOctoberNovemberDecember
Date	12345678910111213141516171819202122232425262728293031
Day	SundayMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturday
Final Fantasy Girl
Anime Girl
DDR Girl
Quiz created with MemeGen!

your inner sexy anime girl by bloodangelic
First Name:
LJ username:
Eye Color:	Silver.
Hair Color:	Blonde, shoulder-length, and wavy.
Clothing:	Plaid skirts and white tanktops, and very hard-to-style hair involving braids, buns, and the occasional crimped piece.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

So i'll post them but before I do I need to explain our system.


At my high school we get 3 grades in the system. The 9 Weeks grade, an effort grade, and a conduct. So on our report card it looks like this A1A every 9 weeks. The Effort is graded on a scale of 1-3, 1 being the best effort, 3 the lowest. The Semster and Conduct grades are a scale of A-F. We also get our Mid Term Exam and Final Exam grade. And then our Final grade for the year.

REMEBER the effort and conduct do not get averaged in to make the final. ONLY the 4 Grading Periods and the Midterm Exam and Final Exam make up the Final Grade.


So here we go


Geometry:
First Grading Period:C2A
Second Grading Period:C2A
Mid Term Exam:C
Third Grading Period: D2A
Fourth Grading Period: D3A
Final Exam:C
Final Grade:C


Spaish1:
First Grading Period:B1A
Second Grading Period:C1A
Mid Term Exam:D
Third Grading Period:B1B
Fourth Grading Period:C2A
Final Exam:C
Final Grade:C


Beach Patrol:
First Grading Period:A1B
Second Grading Period:A1A
Mid Term Exam:C
Third Grading Period:A1A
Fourth Grading Period:A1A
Final Exam:A
Final Grade:A


Law Honors:
First Grading Period:B1A
Second Grading Period:B1A
Mid Term Exam:B
Third Grading Period:A1A
Fourth Grading Period:A1A
Final Exam:B
Final Grade:A


Biology Honors:
First Grading Period:B1A
Second Grading Period:C2A
Mid Term Exam:D
Third Grading Period:C2B
Fourth Grading Period:C2B
Final Exam:D
Final Grade:C


English2 Honors:
First Grading Period:C2A
Second Grading Period:A1A
Mid Term Exam:A
Third Grading Period:B1A
Fourth Grading Period:A1A
Final Exam:B
Final Grade:B


Final GPA (Grade Point Average):2.958 (Think that's a B)

~ I got my FCAT scores back...I passed with good grades. When I called my dad, he just said, "I knew you would." In a voice thats was flat like it didn't matter. This test is very important. If I had failed it I wouldn’t have been able to graduate, I was hopping for him to get happy...for someone to excitedly tell me "Good Job!" and hug me. ...no one did. Even his boyfriend said the same thing as him and then fell asleep. I guess I’m asking too much. I asked to go out to dinner...you know to celebrate. What did he say? No, we're having grilled cheese and soup...that’s what John wants. Well that’s great...it's what John wants, cause tonight’s about him right?


~I'm having problems at school with these girls that used to be my friends at the begining of the year. We were unceperatable...now we're not. They're spreading rumors all a bunch of lies. I don't know what to do about them ay more. Two have come forward wanting peace. I don't believe them.... Part of me thinks, "Why bother" the other though says” Peace is good if you can be strong enough."

Strength. What a word. I used to be able to say I was strong. But as each day passes I get weaker. I watch the "Angell, the Kasey" disappear into the weakling. I haven't cried this much since my first love crushed my heart. That was when I became stronger. So many thoughts are n my head. Mostly 'Why bother living if there’s no one to be excited for you?" And is there no one? This answer is yes. I mean before I had Desi. She would have wrapped me in her arms and excitedly whispered "Good Job." But the parents took her from me and won’t even let me see her on break.

I used to have Nate, but it seems he's gone away and just doesn't care. If he did he would have at least tried to get me a message. Instead he tells me he doesn’t know when he'll be on; he won't call and asks if we should be apart. I guess I should tell him when I see him, that "Yes" we should be a part. That I don't have feelings right now.

I did like Andy, but he killed those feelings pretty fast. Now every time he hugs me, there's nothing. I had wanted a shot with him. Now I want him shot. Not really I guess, maybe just y friend and nothing more. Hell I just don't really care to see him any more.

Desi...I miss you and I feel so shitty watching Jorge talk about his new girlfriend. I sit her and wonder if you know, should I call? What would I say to you? Would it hurt you too much to know?"

But before I can even finish my thought...My problems hit me head on. On top of all of this I'm going to be starting a job, a job I'm not sure if I want any more. I want the money yes. To get away from here. To get a better life. But I don't want to work there.....


Why breathe when it hurts?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

So I told Andy I liked him yesterday after school...He seemed like he liked me back and all. igot my hopes really up. istarted really likeing the hugs and stuff but know i found out tonight that he wants me to move on......


Little Angelle06: so did andy go home?
melville Knight: he was at libery
Little Angelle06: ok?
melville Knight: ya hahaha
Little Angelle06: did you talk to him
melville Knight: yes im tlaking to him right now on the phone
melville Knight: mwhahaha
Little Angelle06: i meant about...
Little Angelle06: oh forget it
Little Angelle06: meanie
melville Knight: how am i mean
Little Angelle06: you know that i meant did you talkto him about if he likes me or not not about if you actually spoke to him
melville Knight: we are talking about it now
melville Knight: he does like you but he didnt see he had a chance so he kinda moved on
Little Angelle06: of course he had a chance!
Little Angelle06: i didn't think i did!
melville Knight: well he thought he didnt have a chance cause he went out with your best friend
Little Angelle06: gab isn't really that clsoe of a friend and thats one of the reasons i thought i didn't have a chance
Little Angelle06: the truth is i liked him before he went out with gab and since he did i tried forgetting it....but gab doesn't seemed to care any more and I dunno...
melville Knight: well he kinda already asked this girl out soooooo im sorry
melville Knight: cookie
Little Angelle06: k
Little Angelle06: what did nicole say?
melville Knight: where is nicole in all this?
Little Angelle06: isn't she cookie?
melville Knight: noooo
melville Knight: when i feel scared or bored and dumb i say cookie
Little Angelle06: oh
Little Angelle06: lol
Little Angelle06: so what did the girl say?
melville Knight: andy wont touch nicole with a sattlate beam
Little Angelle06: XD you can't spell satelite and now i can't
melville Knight: stfu!
melville Knight: >.>
Little Angelle06: nuuu
Little Angelle06: but you avoided the question
melville Knight: i dont know
melville Knight: he dosnt wnt to tell me
melville Knight: want*
Little Angelle06: *nods and shrugs*
melville Knight: you do know im talking to him on the phone right
Little Angelle06: yea?
Little Angelle06: meh so do i just forget about him then?
Little Angelle06: welll
Little Angelle06: do i TRY to
melville Knight: i dont know
melville Knight: cookie
Little Angelle06: dumbass
Little Angelle06: :-P
Little Angelle06: does hewant me to wait or move on?
melville Knight: asking
Little Angelle06: there is a song that just repeats "I love you I loe you I love you.......what's your name??"
melville Knight: lol
Little Angelle06: that has to be the stupidist song EVER
melville Knight: he says he dosnt want to hurt you in anyway soooooo move one to find a better man, and he sucks the cock
Little Angelle06: lol
Little Angelle06: but but i like that man
Little Angelle06: and thats kinda kinky andy
melville Knight: he is a man?
Little Angelle06: i dunno does hewant to let me find out ;-)
melville Knight: yes he does, he says tomarrow
melville Knight: XD
Little Angelle06: hell yes!
Little Angelle06: wooot
melville Knight: just unzip his pants tomarrow and look
Little Angelle06: *coughcough* anyways enough of the fantasys
melville Knight: XD
melville Knight: ok we hunged up
Little Angelle06: ok...
melville Knight: he says move on
Little Angelle06: u.u k
Little Angelle06: hell...
melville Knight: ?
Little Angelle06: i don't know if i want to or how
melville Knight: *shurgs*
Little Angelle06: heh shitty
melville Knight: im sorry
Little Angelle06: don't worry about it
Little Angelle06: thanks jorge
melville Knight: anytime
Little Angelle06: *sighs*
Little Angelle06: now i need/miss dez
melville Knight: i need dez more then you
melville Knight: im scared for her!
Little Angelle06: you don't think i am
Little Angelle06: *shrugs softly* you probably do
Little Angelle06: i think i'm gonna go...do somethin
melville Knight: what?
Little Angelle06: huh?
melville Knight: what are you going to do
Little Angelle06: i ....don't know
melville Knight: ?
Little Angelle06: I'll see youtomrrow or maybe in a half hour
melville Knight: in a half hour?
Little Angelle06: yea
melville Knight: how come?
Little Angelle06: i'm gonna gofor a walk
melville Knight: >.< ok
Little Angelle06: or play in traffic XD
melville Knight: nooo no playing in traffic
Little Angelle06: but but but it could be fun
melville Knight: no!
Little Angelle06: yes daddy
melville Knight: lol



Music:
Little Angelle06: so did andy go home?
melville Knight: he was at libery
Little Angelle06: ok?
melville Knight: ya hahaha
Little Angelle06: did you talk to him
melville Knight: yes im tlaking to him right now on the phone
melville Knight: mwhahaha
Little Angelle06: i meant about...
Little Angelle06: oh forget it
Little Angelle06: meanie
melville Knight: how am i mean
Little Angelle06: you know that i meant did you talkto him about if he likes me or not not about if you actually spoke to him
melville Knight: we are talking about it now
melville Knight: he does like you but he didnt see he had a chance so he kinda moved on
Little Angelle06: of course he had a chance!
Little Angelle06: i didn't think i did!
melville Knight: well he thought he didnt have a chance cause he went out with your best friend
Little Angelle06: gab isn't really that clsoe of a friend and thats one of the reasons i thought i didn't have a chance
Little Angelle06: the truth is i liked him before he went out with gab and since he did i tried forgetting it....but gab doesn't seemed to care any more and I dunno...
melville Knight: well he kinda already asked this girl out soooooo im sorry
melville Knight: cookie
Little Angelle06: k
Little Angelle06: what did nicole say?
melville Knight: where is nicole in all this?
Little Angelle06: isn't she cookie?
melville Knight: noooo
melville Knight: when i feel scared or bored and dumb i say cookie
Little Angelle06: oh
Little Angelle06: lol
Little Angelle06: so what did the girl say?
melville Knight: andy wont touch nicole with a sattlate beam
Little Angelle06: XD you can't spell satelite and now i can't
melville Knight: stfu!
melville Knight: >.>
Little Angelle06: nuuu
Little Angelle06: but you avoided the question
melville Knight: i dont know
melville Knight: he dosnt wnt to tell me
melville Knight: want*
Little Angelle06: *nods and shrugs*
melville Knight: you do know im talking to him on the phone right
Little Angelle06: yea?
Little Angelle06: meh so do i just forget about him then?
Little Angelle06: welll
Little Angelle06: do i TRY to
melville Knight: i dont know
melville Knight: cookie
Little Angelle06: dumbass
Little Angelle06: :-P
Little Angelle06: does hewant me to wait or move on?
melville Knight: asking
Little Angelle06: there is a song that just repeats "I love you I loe you I love you.......what's your name??"
melville Knight: lol
Little Angelle06: that has to be the stupidist song EVER
melville Knight: he says he dosnt want to hurt you in anyway soooooo move one to find a better man, and he sucks the cock
Little Angelle06: lol
Little Angelle06: but but i like that man
Little Angelle06: and thats kinda kinky andy
melville Knight: he is a man?
Little Angelle06: i dunno does hewant to let me find out ;-)
melville Knight: yes he does, he says tomarrow
melville Knight: XD
Little Angelle06: hell yes!
Little Angelle06: wooot
melville Knight: just unzip his pants tomarrow and look
Little Angelle06: *coughcough* anyways enough of the fantasys
melville Knight: XD
melville Knight: ok we hunged up
Little Angelle06: ok...
melville Knight: he says move on
Little Angelle06: u.u k
Little Angelle06: hell...
melville Knight: ?
Little Angelle06: i don't know if i want to or how
melville Knight: *shurgs*
Little Angelle06: heh shitty
melville Knight: im sorry
Little Angelle06: don't worry about it
Little Angelle06: thanks jorge
melville Knight: anytime
Little Angelle06: *sighs*
Little Angelle06: now i need/miss dez
melville Knight: i need dez more then you
melville Knight: im scared for her!
Little Angelle06: you don't think i am
Little Angelle06: *shrugs softly* you probably do
Little Angelle06: i think i'm gonna go...do somethin
melville Knight: what?
Little Angelle06: huh?
melville Knight: what are you going to do
Little Angelle06: i ....don't know
melville Knight: ?
Little Angelle06: I'll see youtomrrow or maybe in a half hour
melville Knight: in a half hour?
Little Angelle06: yea
melville Knight: how come?
Little Angelle06: i'm gonna gofor a walk
melville Knight: >.< ok
Little Angelle06: or play in traffic XD
melville Knight: nooo no playing in traffic
Little Angelle06: but but but it could be fun
melville Knight: no!
Little Angelle06: yes daddy
melville Knight: lol

Another day another dollar...

School yesterday was ok. i didn't get in any more fights. I almoast slit my throat during third period. God it was boring. I ended up amusing myself by erasing the lil black and white ID picture off my school ID.Then thankfully the bell rang and I went to my fourth only to find that we had this REALLY bitchy sub tat I absolutely hate. For one she's boring as hell. For two she will repeat over and over what you have to do and then walk around and repeat it in your ear until you tell her you got it 50 times. She gets you in trouble for the stupidist reasons. Like for talking whe she's reading cause it's "rude". Sorry, but tjat is a LAW class filled mostly with seniors who are just there cause they had to pick a class to fill 4 th period. not like they need the credit.

Then I get to lunch and my EX was there. So I sat down beside him and he like starts holdingmy hand again and I'm too tired to pull away. Then the bell rings and he walks me to m fit. In fit I take my Bio test and I swear to god this teacher is so bitchy! Six period was easy since alot of the people weren't there because of the pep rally. FOR WATER POLO. No offense to the players out there.but WHO THE FUCK want to celebrate the water polo team?

Then the idiots next door were plaing loud ass music all last night. I wokeup at 6 am to find it still playin..............



Yesterday I findout that my sisters ex was once going to ask me out before he met her. We went out to the movies together and I thought he was totally hot. I Guess I did have a crush on him before they started going out. Apparently he liked me to and wasgoing to ask me out then, but he thought I didn't like him back just like I thought hedidn't like me back. A week later he started datng my sister and I lost intrest...... Weird....

Heavenly Cloud Congratulations! You scored 18 CuddlePoints out of 22!

Cuddling with you, is like sleeping on a cloud... it doesnt get ANY better than that... You are the BEST Cuddler there is, and there isn't anyone (well... except maybe the Stone Slab) who wouldn't want to cuddle with you! In fact... Wanna come cuddle

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 74% on cuddlepoints

Link: The Cuddlability Test written by on Ok Cupid